I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
