is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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