i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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