i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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