I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
