I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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