I feel like abortions should bother me more
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
