please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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