the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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