so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
