My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
