***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
