drunk tastebuds have low standards.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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