Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Do you still have your period?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
