I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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