god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
