I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize