The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
