I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
