its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
