Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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