my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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