You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
