you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize