I can tuck mytits in my pants
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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