I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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