I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
