Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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