I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
