In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
