Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
