you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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