i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
50% drunk capacity currently
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
