ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So much rum. So many feels.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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