Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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