I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
My life is pants optional.
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