Please, let me fuck your mom
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
