he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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