I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
My brain says no but my pants say off.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize