hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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