Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
