After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
