We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
