The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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