Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
