you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
