my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We have so much sex to catch up on
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Is Oprah even human
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
