so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
