Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
