Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
