This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Still dying that you shit outside
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
