He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
