My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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