If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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