So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
