I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
