dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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