What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
