Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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