I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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