I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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