I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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