She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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