need another drink. this is the easiest way
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
