I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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